A conscious experience of the creative process to recreate oneself


A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2007 by K. Ferlic,   All Rights Reserved

RYUC Home   Why free?    Contact     Links     Programs/services      Contributions

The Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity understanding, material and approach captures the lessons learned in the author experience of the creative process in response to the intention he set to embody unconditional love. A description of the experience of the creative process is found below. Much of what is discussed here is addressed in the sequences of topics found through the topic, “Origins and about us.” What is presented here is focused more on the actual experience of the process and what the author was feeling.

The experience is best expressed in a note to a friend which overviews what happened. It being with the author setting an intention to embody unconditional love and how he experience the unfoldment of that intention.

In a rather foolish and naive way, I decided I wanted to set the intention to become unconditional love. The reason for such an intention was simply to try and access the ability to be able to tolerate those whom I did not like and/or with whom I did wish to be. In many ways I desired to be accepting and patient but my mind thought and saw what was needed as an unconditional love. I assumed that if I could love unconditionally, to become unconditional love, I would be able to tolerate those who were unpleasant or otherwise I disliked. There was no other interest in pursuing such an intention. Yet I didn’t really know for what I as asking to become. Since I, as most of us, never consciously experienced unconditional love, I really didn’t know for what I was asking.

To achieve this end, I created a transcript and recorded the transcript on a tape which I played each night for a couple of months as I went to sleep. The logic was to reprogram myself in the twilight zone between sleep and being aware. I understood that was when we are most open to suggestions. I figured it was the easiest way to reprogram myself based on all that I had read. The results were not what I had anticipated or even had a context for understanding. I had unknowingly chosen to become the phoenix and has started a process to recreate myself and my life

Within a short period of time I was lead to do two things - one which addressed the mind and one which addressed the heart. Mind was addressed in that I was drawn to find an alternative way to live life. I had a strong and intense feeling that there was another way to live life that mind could understand and give people greater satisfaction and enjoyment in life than what I was seeing people experience in life. I didn’t know how to take such a journey to find it. So I stepped out of mind and what I mentally understood to consult my intuitive guidance and followed it. This, in essence, was ultimately what unfolded into the alternative way but it took me years to realize that fact.

The second things was my intuitive guidance lead me to what I loved to do. It lead me directly into my creative passion and a fulness of being such that I experienced an overwhelming wonderment and “ah” at what was experienced. I was lead to an individual with whom I was given the opportunity to act on the full depth and breadth of my creative passion at each and every level of my being. I was lead to create the space and find a way such that the individual’s creative spirit could become free of the burden they were carrying in life - that is, to release their bound creative spirit. But at the time, I did not know such a creative spirit existed nor did I know or understand the conditions that were needed to protect that spirit. Once it became free, I looked only at what needed to be released from their life to create freedom of movement.

In creating this safe and secure space to release the burden, I had an experience of releasing a spirit within, or from, that individual that I seen twenty years early when I was working with individuals in a spiritual context. However, now this spirt was released in a very secular way having nothing to do with spiritually. This spirit was extremely playful and innocent just as I had experienced in the past. In a moment the seeds were laid to understand and realized exactly who and what we truly are - creators of the experiences we have. In a moment I understood who where the children that I was asked to protect when I heard the voice eight years earlier which asked, “Who will protect my children?” In a moment I realized the oneness of all of Creation and that within each individual was a what could be called child of the Creator of Creation (not necessarily what most call God), a creative spirit, that needed to be protected. But protected from what and how?

But this creative spirit was not a spirit in the traditional sense nor was it a child. It was a spirit having a desire to creatively play and be physical. It desired the physical experience (otherwise it wouldn’t be here) and, more importantly, desired to freely express itself in Physical Creation. It incarnated to have certain types and kinds of experiences. Additional this creative spirit was not a child. It was childlike in its creative play and was spontaneous, innocent and vulnerable like a child. But it was no child. It was a powerful creator one with the Creator as discussed in the “Creation Story for the Creativity Perspective.” The creative spirit is only the creator/Creator awakening to it own creation/Creation. It was only the tremendous vulnerability of this creative spirit which made it look and seem so much like a child.

“In both cases, secular and spiritual, I saw this playful and innocent creative spirit get captured and seemingly carried of into the underworld much like the Greek myth of Persephone. Although I had seen this creative spirit get captured in the past and never thought much of it, this time I experienced an acute pain as I realized exactly what was happening. But the question was “why?” Why did that creative spirit become captured again? That caused a deeper exploration. Why was our creative spirit not free to express itself and how and why does it get captured and captured by what?”

What is interesting to note in hindsight is the pain was not realized for what is was. Nor did the author question why he experience pain this time when he saw the creative spirit get captured and not when he saw the same thing years earlier in the past. What was different this time was that he was aware of what he was feeling. The intention he set to become unconditional love cause him become open to feeling and sensing energy in a way he never knew possible. It needs to be remembered, unconditional love is not something of mind. It is a feeling. Love that comes from the mind is conditional. To have an experience of unconditional love one needs to be able to step out of mind and feel where it pulls.

The pain which was experiences was only the beginning of experiencing the separation of the creative tension. But separation from what? Only in time did the author realize the pain that arose was the pain he felt in being separate from his true identity as a creator and being able to fully engage every level of his being in what we creates. In being provided the opportunity to create the space of freedom for another which simultaneously required every level of his being he experienced his true identity and true potential. In that experience he found himself at the Source of Creation. When the released creative spirit became captured much as described in the Story of Persephone, a part of him was taken away, and ripped apart from him.

What was not obvious at the time was that creation/Creation is not something done alone. We need another or others to have an experience of creation and to realize and be our true self and recognize our full potential. Simply said, we need another to become a reflection for parts of ourselves we do not know or to call forth the unseen and unexperienced aspects of our being. A more complex and complete answer is that we only know ourselves in comparison to another.

But who will create the space and to offer what each of us truly need to become fully true to ourselves and freely expressed? In the author’s case, the Universe provided the opportunity but it was done so without the awareness of those involved. When the cause of what called forth his full creative potential was gone, he no longer had that “other” to call forth the full aspect of his being. Having experience the Source and what was possible, he become acutely and painfully aware of what was being lost. Yet, the coming together and separation had to be done at a nonconscious level.

The unawareness as to what really was happening as to why the creative spirit becomes captured and why pain arose when another’s freedom of expression was being lost was necessary. It was necessary so as to come to an understanding of the creative process and to know that we can literally feel the creative process of which we are engaged. Only in awakening to the creative process for what it really is and how we need each other for the experiences we have could the details of the process be seen. It is not something someone can tell you and then you know. It is something which much be experienced. In this regard, all that is written on the web within the Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity material and understanding will need to be acted upon to fully understand what is said and why. We each do need to do our own experiments. Returning to the story:

But something else happened in this experience. In seeing the creative spirit come out in a secular situation, I became open to a deep understanding. I became aware of the creative spirit which lies in each of us and is symbolized in the heart and what we feel as opposed to our mind. I began to see how few of these creative spirit were really free to express themselves. I began to see how each heart was oppressed. In seeing and feeling the oppression there was a pain I felt within my being. I had to do something if for no other reason that to relieve the pain. Seeing this caused me to begin to look for ways to get people to see this creative spirit exists within themselves. In becoming aware of this creative spirit there was the hope that they could learn to protect it. That desire was eventually fulfilled in the Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity material on the web.

It is here a note needs to be reiterated about the creative process in which the author was experiencing. Although totally oblivious to the author at the time as to what he was really doing, he created the conditions to stumble into the Source of Creation in conscious awareness. There is nothing unusually about entering the Source of Creation for any creative endeavor. This needed to occur to free the energy  necessary for the creation. It is just that we normally do it nonconsciouly in our creative endeavors. What was different is the author was aware of what was happening. He was not aware of the process but he was aware of what was happening and the sequence of events. The awareness of what was happening allowed him to eventually see the process.

He has set the intention to become the embodiment of unconditional love. He had chosen to become the phoenix. The universe orchestrated an arrangement of events that he would destroy a sufficient portion of himself and his life to free the energy necessary to fulfill the intention he set. He did not understand it, but he was aware. He has sufficient awareness of the process he was experiencing to make notes as to what was happening.

To those that knew the author, some would say he went a little be crazy. Energetically he simply enter the required sacrifice of creation and began to experience the chaos of the freed energy that was to flow into the desired intention. But, for that energy to flow, there need to be a separation of some type with an eventual grounding. Something needed to occur to create the creative tension and then something was needed to ground the energy. The separation occurred as a result of him finding and accessing his true creative passion as a creator and then the conditions sufficiently changed such that he was unable to act on that creative passion.

In freeing the creative spirit of another, he was provided the opportunity to become aware of all that is possible and was able to experience what lies at the Source of Creation. When that creative spirit became captured much like the story of Greek myth of Persephone, the author felt an acute pain that became a chronic pain. The chronic pain arose because he began to see how the creative spirit of both himself and others is not free to live it truth and unfold true to itself. The feeling of separation was only the creative tension necessary to create the flow of energy. He was able to live with this pain as long as he was able to do something to free the creative spirit of others. As long as he was able to act on what he was feeling to ground the energy giving rise to the pain in some way, it was tolerable.

On this point, the author would never say what he did was out of unconditional love for the creative spirit. All that he did was to find a way to alleviate the pain that the felt. Unconditional love only came into the picture in that he was willing to go through and endure pain to see the process and do whatever it took to stay in the process. Returning to the story:

Yet something more needed to be done. The pain was pushing me to do something more. I found that although I could create ways for the creative spirit to come out, the mind of the individuals with whom I creates the space to free that creative spirit began to interfere. I began to see the mind of the individuals with whom I worked began to hold the creative spirit captive. It was as if mind was attempting to hold the creative spirit captive by the past even if the creative spirit died in the process. It was holding the creative spirit in a cage of its own making. It was as though mind did not want the creative spirit to be free.

Then I saw how mind wanted to manipulate the creative spirit within the individual and within others and use the energy within the creative spirit for its own ends. I begin to awaken to the awareness as to the truth from where the energy for creation/Creation comes and how mind attempted to control that energy in oneself and others. There were things that mind wanted and things the heart or creative spirit wanted. I found mind had no real interest in protecting the creative spirit as much as using it and its energy for its own ends. Mind didn’t care if what gave rise to mind’s very existence was destroyed. Mind wanted to be in control. Mind wanted to be in control at any and all costs even to the destruction of itself, the body and this creative spirit.

That realization began to make me feel what could only be described an anger. It was an anger that arose from the awareness and deep love for this creative spirit and the knowledge that it needed to be free and protected to express itself. The anger rose from what I was seeing as a total lack of awareness about this creative spirit by most of humanity and what its freedom really meant for the individual and humanity. It was an anger that arose in response to individuals and authorities who claimed they had the answers as to what truly makes us happy socially or spiritually, or how to find and access that Heaven, Kingdom of God or Nirvana but yet they could not, and would not, create the space of freedom for this creative spirit.

I first realized the existence of this anger about eighteen months after I released the individual’s creative spirit. I realized the presence of an anger when an individual with whom I was working did not seek to explain and educate others in what he wanted them to do. He just wanted them to follow without question. When he got angry at me when I tried to get him to ensures the individuals with whom he was trying to get to follow him all knew what was being asked I could not longer support what he was doing. Nor could I no longer support living a life where I did not do something to free the creative spirit within each heart.

It was within a few weeks I started to write. The writing become the ground point and focus for the energy. The anger which arose from the pain of a deep love and desire for the creative spirit to become free became the fuel for writing. Only when the pain turn to anger was the fuel available to write. I started to write not knowing how or what to write or why I wrote. But I had to write about this creative spirit and what was needed to protect it. I felt I needed to educate people about it so they would not be mislead by themselves or others. It was clear to me individuals needed to learn to stand in their own truth and follow the truth within their being. To do that, they needed to be educated.

It needs to be noted, the pain of separation first experienced when the creative spirit was capture as discussed above had never gone away. The author lived and tolerated the pain. He existed in this chaotic state for about eighteen months until the pain become an anger. In that anger the creative tension became too great to hold there was realization that something must be done. He needed a way to ground that energy to create something to help free the creative spirit. The pain and the anger become the fuel for writing. Yet in writing, the pain become tolerable and the anger dissipated. The writing allowed for the energy behind the anger to flow and dissipate,

The pain which originally gave rise to the anger persisted for the author was still removed from what he really loved to do. The writing alleviated the pain that arose relative to the seeing the conditions about what held the creative spirit captive. He knew that we needed to become educated as to the existence this creative spirit before we could do something about protecting it and free it from the cage created by the mind. The writing was the essential foundation of action. Without an understanding of the creative spirit, nothing could be done to protect it. So the pain needed to be endured as long as it took to write what needed to be written.

Over the years I explored and looked for ways to educate people and give them a conscious experience of their own creative spirit. I wrote and wrote about what I observed and learned in those attempts. Now, in hindsight, I come to realize that the anger I felt at what I saw was happening to the creative spirit within individuals and my inability to find a way to communicate to them caused the anger to arise within me. Yet, my intention was to become unconditional love. Because of that intention and the love I felt for each creative spirit, the anger became the fuel to write to find a way to set it free.

"I wrote with the understanding that I would find some fast, easy or gentle way, a gentle phoenix, for individuals to become the phoenix and transform themselves such that their creative spirit could become free to express itself. In doing so, the awareness of an alternative way to life unfolded. In that unfoldment, the alternative way was to replace many of our traditional concept of God. Or, at least the traditional ways to communicate to God and what we expect God to do for us. Many traditional concept of God cause us to give away our creative power and what for He/She/It to rescue us from problems of our own making. Many are taught to look to God rather than access our own inner creative power and our own path to access to the Source of Creation. In essence, the Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity does not look to God or any other external Force to do what we ourselves can do and must do. We can do much more that we have ever conceived possible when we align our heart and mind and learn the dance between heart and mind and creator and creation.

"In this regard, all that the Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity material does is provide an understanding of our own creative ability and creative powerr and direct us toward taking responsibility for the world we experience as its creator. We do have access to all that we need to know if we know how to use it. We don’t need the concepts of God as they currently exist to come in and rescue us as many hope and/or long for God doing. We do not need a God that causes us to become a victim and robs of our inherent creative power. Rather, we can learn to become the creator that we are and claim our birthright. All we need to do is to learn to discern our own truth and follow our own intuitive guidance for both tie directly to the Source of Creation and the Source of Life Itself. That is an alternative way to live life than what we are given. This, of course means we have to grow up and stop being children.

"At one level we can find great comfort in this. There is a way to have access to all the creative powers of an external God. But they are only accessible from within. They are accessible if we are willing to take responsibility for creating what we experience in our life and learn to live our truth. We need to live our truth and not compromise it based on the desires of our mind and what mind wants or the wants and desires of others. This alternative way also shows how anger can be used constructively if one is willing to surrender to what the energy behind the anger requires for our life.

"At another level, there is a fear. There is a fear that if we abandon the traditional idea of God we have no one to rescue us from our problems and alleviate our pain. There is a fear we many not really have the creative power to create ourselves and our world to create something that better serves us. But, until we step out and do our own experiments we will never being to see how much creative power we have. Humanity has suffered much simply because it has not understood that creative process and our role in the process and the role of consciousness in how consciousness focuses its attention and awareness at both the conscious and nonconscious levels becoming the cause.

"Without individual gaining an understanding of the creative process, there is a deep painful sadness in what is observed. It is the sadden that existed from the very beginning in understanding what I saw the creative spirit released in a secular way. In its freedom I saw what this creative spirit can create when action is taken out of unconditional love giving freely what the creative spirit needs to grow and freely unfold rather than an attempt to control and give it what we want to give or what we think we need to give it. What is possible in unconditional love when we are willing to surrender to the needs of this creative spirit is too much for our mind to comprehend.

"From a creativity perspective, anger is only a flow of energy that arises out creative tension of separation. It becomes anger when we are unable to properly ground the energy created in the tension into a flow that freely dissipates the energy. Most actions taken in anger keep the energy bound in some way rather than allowing it to freely dissipate. Anger at its worst, the ability and willingness to hurt another only exist in separation. Yet, when we realize the anger only arises from the creative tension from a separation of something within our being, we need not feel anger. We may feel the pain from the creative tension but the energy can be directed in a loving way to create an world where that separation need not be experienced as anger. In many ways that is what happened

"All of the writing was initially fueled by anger at the lack of knowledge and improper treatment of the creative spirit. But that anger also reflected a lack of understanding of the feeling that arises in the creative process as a result of the creative tension inherent in the creative endeavor to create the flow of energy. Although the energy behind the anger came out of a deep love for the creative spirit energy and initially had no other way of coming out and was nevertheless anger. Given the environment and the lack of options at the time, the energy that could not be adequately expressed and directed in another expression until it become anger.

"But in the anger there was an awareness of a lack of understanding. A lack of understanding required education. So writing what was needed become the focus and the ground point. The writing came out of the creative tension of separation rather than unity. It come from the separation from what I loved to do in creating with another. In this regard, the writing arose out of a separation and a need to do what needed to be done to alleviate the pain I felt. In many ways the pain has only been the fuel to create the understanding about the creative spirit. If another were present to share the creative energy, writing would not have been its expression.

"What ultimately needs to be understood by people and communicated to them is not what is in my writing. My writing was done in separation for what I love to do. All my writing can do is point the way to what lies behind the writing - a creative spirit, a creative passion within each of us which must be free to unfold if we desire to find lasting satisfaction in life. What lies behind the writing is a deep love for what lies in each heart and its free expression.

"In this regard, all the writing that is reflected in the Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity material on the web has a part that is missing. What is missing is that creation is experiential and is done with another or others. The true power of what is contained in the writing is only something that can be experienced. We do need to do our own experiments with another or others with what is written and see what is effective in our life, using what is effecting and discarding the remained.

"But there are two important awarenesses arose in what happened. One was that in time, I no longer had the passion to write. The anger which fueled it dissipated in writing. I do not like to write. Never have. For me to write means I am in separation from that which I love is to create with others. I cannot be with another when I write. I have no interest to live in separation. So, the anger was needed to cause me to write. As the energy giving rise to the anger dissipated in the writing the desire to write dissipated. But then something happened.

"There was still the pain of separation but it was no longer being felt in the same way. Rather, because of the understanding of the creative process that was obtained in writing about the process, there was understanding previously unavailable. The understanding was that the pain was only what I felt from the separation of the creative tension which was required to supply the energy. In that awareness, the gift of pain became crystal clear such that the pain of separate can be see simply for what it was. It was simply part of the process to create the separation for the flow of energy to manifest the new creation.

"If there is not some tension of separation, there be no creation/Creation. As described in the “Creation Story for the Creativity Perspective,” it was not so much love that cause Creation to manifest. Rather, a it was a deep, painful longing of the Creator for someone with whom to share Creation. There is a creative tension in the loneliness which give rise to Creation. That is what was very clear having stumble into an experience of the Source of Creation. If the loneliness is experience as needing someone to make us complete, we will feel pain if not excruciating pain. If however, we experience the loneliness as simply someone with whom to share life and what we have come to know and understand about creation, the separation is not experienced a pain but rather a deep longing to love another and share with another.

"So any writing that is now done is not longer fuel by anger. It is still fueled by the separation of the creative tension. But the pain comes and goes and is replaced by a deep longing to love and to share in love. It is understood, although writing causes me to be in separation from what I love, without the writing there is nothing to give people. Without the writing to feed their mind and give them the understanding of the creative spirit and an alternative way exist to live life, they will have not reason to step out of mind to go there.

"The second observation that was revealed in the creative process is that we never really need to feel the pain of separation, nor even the separation. Rather we can feel a dance. In analogous to the same way and man and a woman have within their being a creative tension that can come together in greater passion to create a child in great pleasure, so too our creative activities. If we are observant to the situation at hand as to masculine and feminine aspects of the given situation there is a nature creative tension and a natural flow path for energy in the dance between the masculine and feminine. When that is realized, the masculine and feminine aspects can be brought together in a very loving, joyful and playful dance, a dance of creation/Creation. We can literally be consciousness at play with itself.

"The key here is two fold. One is to allow the masculine and feminine aspects of the situation to creatively play together, to dance together. It is to allow them to mate in the way that is most nature to the situation at hand. But this requires us to recognize the “other” as an integral part of the creative process. In the masculine feminine dance it is not I or they but we. Creation is not done alone. There will always be another. Two must be connected to create the flow of energy. As with a pleasurable joining of the a male and female, both must desire connection, both must alternatively give totally to the other with holding nothing from the other. The masculine and feminine aspects give rise to the creative tension. But both must be willing to join together to relieve the tension and allow the free flow of energy or otherwise separation will arise.

"The second is the need to surrender to the natural flow process and to the alternating dance of the masculine and feminine. When this is done, no pain is generated. It is creation/Creation in the orgasmic pleasure of life. The only challenge here is to understand the true masculine role and the true feminine role in the creative process and to see how the masculine and the feminine are embodied in the situation at hand and the need to dance. It is the need to dance alternating between giving unconditionally to the needs of the each other in the way that is needed.

"It does need to be noted that the possibility of creating through the masculine and feminine aspects of the situation at hand was offered as a possibility. It is always offered in each and every creative endeavor if we are open to seeing it. But in hindsight, it is probably best that it did not happen. If it did, the creative process and the role of consciousness and the masculine and feminine in the process would never have been seen and expressed in writing as it has been expressed in the Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity. So, from the perspective of enduring the pain of separation for these years it can be said that I did embody and unconditional love. I continued to give the creation what it needs no matter what it was costing me and what I felt.

"What does need to be understood is there will always be a creative tension for any truly creative endeavor and our life is a creative endeavor. As such, we will always feel some level of tension within our being. The question is, how do we respond to it. There is always the options of surrendering to the masculine and feminine aspects of the situation or we can stay with our mind and create a separation.

"One does not have to hurt another or control another to get what they want. They just have to be willing to step out of mind and surrender to what the energy behind the anger requires of them. More often than not the feeling of separation and pain is simply mind trying to get what it wants rather than surrendering for what the situation requires. For most, surrender is difficult to do for mind loses control and can no longer make it decisions on the attachments and beliefs it carries.

"A part of me says to stop writing for there is nothing to be gained. Now that I know the source of what I feel and the source of the anger at having to have lived in the creative tension and conscious separation of what I love for years there appears to be no need to write. Yet I do know people needs that alternative way to live their life. They need to know there is a tremendous orgasmic pleasure to life. There is still the deep love to help the creative spirit within people become free and there is still the needs for people to understand. My writing in some small way may help people to understand. So there is the need for the writing. It is just that the anger is gone in realizing it was caused by the separation from that which I love to do and has been only the experience of the creative tension necessary to create the flow of energy for a new creation to unfold.

"From the perspective of my mind, to sit and write is to do what I do not like to do separates me from what I love and where my mind says my talents could be better utilized. Yet I see what people do not known about the creative spirit within their own being. There is this love within and a playfulness in me that I sometimes wish was never awakened when I am not allow to freely act on it. Yet in knowing how and why my creative spirit is not free to act as it once did, I see what needs to be created for an individual and for people in general. I no longer desire to live in separation from what I love. Yet there are things that need to be written and communicated and can only be done in the creative tension of separation. Without the other also willing to surrender, that tension will felt as pain. So it is best I just go and feel the pain and allow it to be the fuel that it is.

"There is always the hope to create with another out of a mutual love for the freedom of the creative spirit such that the writing is somehow not separate from a deeper creation. What has become very clear is there needs to be a creative tension to create the flow of energy necessary for a new creation to come into existence. In the past humanity has used, and relied upon, separation, fear, anger and most often war to stimulate creative ideas and the energy to being the creation into existence. What is very clear the creative tension necessary for a creation to come into existence can be overlaid with love and a deep and profound joy at creation/Creation.”

So who is the other to which the author refers? In actually it is you the reader. If, and only if, and when, and only when, we take responsibility for the Creation we experience, all of it, in whatever form we accept it or judge it, will love be able to replace , separation, fear, anger and war to create the flow of energy necessary for a new creation/Creation. We can look to no other to do this. We each need to do it ourselves as lead by our creative spirit and our creative passion.

Related topics
What was learned in setting an intention to embody unconditional love
Key areas in what is presented that seem to make
the Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity Material different

The Password Protected Area provides access to all currently posted (click for current loading) Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity related discussion files and applications.


RYUC Home   Why free?    Contact     Links     Programs/services      Contributions